I modified my last post from 24th March into TT post cause I think it should be exposed to wider blogging audience. So here it is:
1. Last night I went in bed with huge smile on my face. It was amazing watching how Serbs Ana Ivanović and Novak Djoković have took titles in Pacific Life Open in Indian Wells! Serbian fans on the stadium wore “NOLE, ANA, JELENA” t-shirts, this time no one has been punished but the banner “Kosovo is Serbia” has been confiscated, on the grounds that the banner was a political statement (I guess “Texas is USA” would be taken in the same way). Novak made a taped speech last month for a rally in Belgrade in which he spoke against Kosovo’s independence.
2. “The people who know my past and they understand what I’m saying — my father and my aunt, my uncle all grew up there. They were born in Kosovo and my family used to live there for 30 years. I was there many times. So it kind of touched me in that moment that this was my quest to give support by my country.” said Djoković.
3. Last week, the swimmer Milorad Čavić, who was born in California to Serbian parents, was barred from the European championships after wearing a T-shirt that said “Kosovo is Serbia,” in Cyrillic letters, at the medal ceremony after winning the 50-meter butterfly. “I’m really sad to hear about this. It’s hard because we are athletes and trying to do the best we can on the court and promote our country in the best possible way,” Ivanović said about the Čavić’s case (I wrote about that HERE).
4. And it was fantastic to see those youngsters who have managed to conquer hearts of so many people all around the world.
5. And then this morning I’m turning on my radio expecting to hear news from tennis court I was frozen by the sound of air raid emergency siren! It was horrible flash back and it took me few moments to realize that today is 9th anniversary of the NATO War of aggression against Serbia.
6. I remember that day I didn’t want to leave my flat in Belgrade naively believed that international law is supreme value and that no one will attack sovereign European country without permission of the Security Council UNO (the only institution which has mandate to bring that decision). Moreover I didn’t believe it’s possible that NATO will broke its own statute which said that alliance will go in military action only if the country, member of the alliance is jeopardized by some third (non member) country. But then I simply didn’t think that international law doesn’t exist if USA wants that.
7. So I decided to leave Belgrade to calm my parents and I remember my shock when I arrived on the main bus station which has been completely covered with people sleeping with their luggage on the floor. It was impossible to reach the counters. My god I never saw anything like this before.
8. Anyhow that evening I was visiting my friend, drinking coffee and chatting about something trivial and in one moment we stopped talking. “Was that detonation?” and soon after that we heard air raid sirens. It was unbelievable.
9. 78 days of bombing killed about 3000 civilians; destroyed infrastructure of the country; helped Milosević’s regime to achieve what he couldn’t for so long: kill free press, put in jail everyone who was publicly expressing different political opinion; put citizens in total misery.
10. Official cause for bombing was massacre in the village of Racak. After bombing UN commission of forensics and pathologists confirmed that there was no massacre. Those bodies were in unnaturally positions in the cloths that don’t match the wounds on the body. It was confirmed what Serbs officials were claim that those are terrorists dressed post mortem in the civilian clothes. Naturally that was irrelevant. Of course now we see the true purpose of NATO aggression: making Kosovo independent.
11.
12. One might think 9 years would be enough for wounds to heal but I don’t think that will ever happen. When I heard sirens this morning I couldn’t pick up myself entire morning. 9 years and yet, as if it was yesterday. No I wasn’t afraid, I wasn’t afraid during the bombing neither. I never went in shelter or something like that. I was in despair and filled with anger and in the same time incapable to do anything. And that state of mind is worse than anything you can imagine. This morning I realized that state of mind is somewhere inside me, waiting to be awaken.
13. If you were me, would you be able to forgive? (is this question makes me a bad person, or at least a bad Christian? If so, I’m wondering where is the limit of human ability to forgive?)
March 24, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Forgive? Maybe. Forget? Never. I grew up so much that night. NATO agression was like a video game for them, but it changed my life forever. There was no fear, just a feeling of hopelesness that later gave birth to pride and righteousness.
March 24, 2008 at 10:03 pm
I agree with Džejn. I was just 9 years old when America were attacking Belgrade, so just imagine how that period was stressed for me. I remember going to my sibling house. We were all together, my parents, my cousins etc.
I also remember that my friend wanted to celebrate birthday on March 24th (she’s born today) and she couldn’t, but we as little children didn’t really know why…
Now, everything is clear to me. America can lie as much as they want, I and WE know the truth.
March 24, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Lol, love this comment… “Texas is USA” but better use “California is USA” because I always use that example for explaining people what Kosovo is for Serbia.
March 27, 2008 at 11:56 am
Forgive? It’s such a complicated question. While you can never ever EVER excuse atrocities and terror, how much damage do you (general you, not you specifically) do to yourself by keeping that hatred inside? How much damage do we all do to our world by perpetuating a climate of hate?
You might be interested in reading a post I wrote last week, called Why Do We Hate?. I wrote it out of my own angst, but also to get people thinking, or better yet dreaming and striving for a more peaceful world. I hope you find some value in reading it.
March 27, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I was wondering why this hadn’t appeared in my reader…
March 28, 2008 at 12:31 am
Probably the most informative TT this week, or for a long time. The rest of us are just posting fluff compared to this. I hope you can forgive eventually, even if you can’t forget. And actually, you shouldn’t forget.
March 28, 2008 at 9:09 am
@Džejn Dou:
Precisely, “hopelessness” is the right expression and indeed you said “that later gave birth to pride and righteousness and I will certainly agree with the second part but will add: not only pride and righteousness I’m afraid. Those two are very positive feelings but then there are the negative ones like nationalistic fanaticism. We became more deaf of the bad things our compatriots have committed, we became xenophobic society (wrongly) thinking that we are bigger and better Serbs if we expressing hatred towards the nations whose politics are hurting us.
And I dare to say that precisely that (in my case) new emotion, something I can’t get used to it, is one of the worst consequences of the war of aggression. It’s against my nature and to be honest unnatural for our nation (just look at history).
March 28, 2008 at 9:15 am
@Vladimir:
(you’re so young) maybe it’s better you were only 9 during the bombing and not being aware of the hell we were living in.
I do remember stories about kids celebrating their birthdays in the shelters. Indeed that was horrible but on the hand that was the only way to imitate normal life.
March 28, 2008 at 9:47 am
@Robin:
Indeed but is there a limit of forgiveness? I think I reply on your question in my response on Džejn Dou’s comment. I do believe this antagonism I feel is the worst personal consequence of bombing, but not only bombing but the whole chain of anti-Serbian activities without any exception, literally. It’s incredible that whenever international community had to pick between two options EVERY time elected option was against Serbian interest. And EVERY time with that option we were listening how we are actually friends of those countries who are constantly doing us a harm. That hypocrisy is impossible do digest but it seems there is new rule in intl diplomacy: once bad guy-always bad guy!
I will certainly read your article. Indeed place were you are living is very specific and we do share similar problem but with one huge difference: Uncle Sam is your ally and that is enormous difference. Since he’s not on our shore, neither is international law and justice. And that is hard to accept which eventually lead to the question: How to ban hatred from the heart when they are forcing you to hate?
March 28, 2008 at 10:21 am
@Susan:
because I published this post on Monday and modified it for TT (not because I was lazy to write TT but because I would wrote something very similar considering that anniversary is something that has marked this week)
@Nicolas:
Oh we will most definitively never forget. Thank you for compliment but to be honest I’d really love to live life filled with fluff topics, at least a little bit *sigh*
March 31, 2008 at 9:05 pm
@Milan
Well, I guess it’s only logical to feel anger and hate towards the enemy when you are under constant attack. I believe that it would be unnatural not to feel that way. That’s just human psyche. In my case,
I’ve never felt like I should hate Americans or Brits, nor I felt like that feeling was being imposed on me by the Yugoslavian government during the conflict.
Still, let me tell ya, I would seriously compromise my Christianity if I were in position to do so, that is if my life or the life of someone I love is endangered. Pure self preservation, I dare to say.
And yes, it is ugly. And I resent that. But that’s just the way it is.
May 18, 2008 at 4:30 pm
simply,I wouldn’t.
February 6, 2009 at 9:27 pm
here I’m comming a real one who use to live in Kosova and also is the authocton in Kosova cos I am Shqiptar.
these things that are said here ther are all lies the goverment of serbia organizate these things to lie its populations but you can’t lie to the world belive whatever you serbs Shqiptart are older than you for million years
May 5, 2009 at 4:55 pm
@Behar Aliu
I’m gonna leave your post on my blog and I will not reply. Actually the language you used perfectly is describing the point I would aiming to achieve with my reply to you.
I guess I should thank you for enlightening better what I’m writing about Kosovo on my blog and the horror Serbs are living there.