The Sad ClownI just came back in town after about two weeks of isolation from news. Now I’m supposed to pick up pieces of normality in my life and try to live, right? Oh but that will not be that easy. Namely political situation is just as if it was in the early nineties: economy is in mess, stock market too; inflation is jumping every day; radicalism is awake; people are so furious and angry and (the latest in the line) government fell. What a perfect place to be normal! And all that in only two weeks!

Oh, Europe is constantly saying how Serbia is its friend and how Serbia has its place in European Union. They are willing to help us on every step, of course if we chose Europe. Now after this, I’m afraid we will not chose Europe. Not that I want that, on the contrary but Europe has done everything to provoke rising of blood pressure to every common citizen in Serbia whenever they hear word “Europe”! Oh but the point is that Europe is our friend who wants to help us, right?

Well I’ll try to make the picture about European offer clearer:
Imagine a man who has found a homeless frozen girl on the street and he offers her help. He could put her in one SAFE House (Violence Shelter) where is warm and where she’ll get bed and food and where she’ll be able to stay as long as necessary. And girl of course accepts his offer willingly BUT there’s a catch: since SAFE House is only for victims of violence he must beat her and rape her and after that there’ll be no problem for her to be under protection.

Nice isn’t it? Would you accept that offer? Well that is exactly what Europe is doing to Serbia: constantly is speaking about historical friendship with Serbia and their will to help but … there’s a catch!

And how live normal life? How going to work, study, how not thinking what if phone ring in 3 am and the pissed voice said “let’s throw some bombs there! We’ll find excuse later in the morning”? That wouldn’t be the first time anyway.

I surely try to stop fighting against windmills by reading and commenting posts about Kosovo and history of this region on other blogs. The latest experience with that was Mr. Cheeseburger 9000, guy who is pro Kosovo independence (which is quite legitimate of course) and whose blog I left after I saw his comment about organized atrocities against Serbs and their homes and cultural heritage in March 2004 where he was justifying it. I did “protest” about it and he said that he didn’t mean that but even though that was just too much. Until two weeks ago when I posted my comment about some other issue in which I explained why I think his arguments are unbelievable (among other things he said that since the violation of the law has been committed we shouldn’t mentioning anymore! It’s done so there’s no point insisting on that) and replied about his insults. I’m quite aware my positions and I’m trying to stand with both feet on the ground but I just had to react when I see injustice. Of course I lost and people like Mr. Cheeseburger 9000 have won and I said that in my comment so they can celebrate and be happy toward my despair (I said that as well). I’m not ashamed cause I’m in grief.
But then I guess my comment was just too much for him (I was polite so I’m not sure what was the reason). I guess Mr. Cheeseburger 9000 saw his own reflection in my comment and what he saw wasn’t pretty and so he decided not to publish my comment! Really I couldn’t believe it. It was so immature. And then what’s the point to allow comments at all? To be honest I was surprise cause I didn’t expect that but hey, he has all right to do that. After all it’s his blog.

So as you can see there’s no point fight against windmills. They will understand the message (otherwise he would publish my comment) but even though they will continue to go in the same direction. This kind of people is something I don’t wanna have anything with.

So, normality? It will be very hard. Maybe it would be the easiest to spread the legs, close eyes and try to enjoy thinking about all warmth and food that are waiting in the SAFE House. If you can’t avoid to be raped then at least try to enjoy in sex, right? But then how to look yourself tomorrow? How to bear to see your image in the mirror? That would not be something you can censored from publishing on your blog and keep on living like nothing happened.